Hey there,

In this edition:

• Why are we so anxious?

• Is it really “anxiety” or something else?

• How to listen to our bodies and truly heal.

For years, I have preached, “Life is short—we need to live it fully.”

I was listening to Tim Ferriss’ podcast, and he was interviewing Steven Pressfield.

Pressfield wrote The Legend of Bagger Vance, Gates of Fire, and The War of Art.

Ferriss went on one of his wise but semi-manic explanations of all he had to get done that week.

And that life is soooo short.

Pressfield stopped him mid-sentence and said, “No, Tim, life is long. Take a breath—there’s plenty of time.”

That cracked me open. 

I’ve been carrying a ball of anxiety for many years, trying to overcome the fear of missing out - FOMO.

And a feeling that there just isn’t enough time to do all I want to do.

But by carrying this agitation, I’ve missed a lot of beauty.

Life is short - hurry up.

Life is long - take it easy. 

“You must learn in life to take things more lightly, my dear. The world is always changing. Learn how to allow for it.”

― Elizabeth Gilbert

I always felt a sense of urgency as a kid.

There was something in the air. Including the blaring television. It was almost always on.

I’m the offspring of The Great Depression and WWII survivors. Life for them was a scramble.

Other than a few times during the years of active addiction, I’ve never personally been in a life-or-death survival situation.

But I have often felt that I was outrunning a disaster and had to hurry to the goal, even if I had no idea what the goal was.

I’m from a “good” family (whatever tf that means).

I couldn’t understand why I struggled.

How Did We Get So Anxious?

Where did this anxiety come from?

Of course, if we’ve been abused, neglected, abandoned, or have been through shocking experiences, we will have anxiety. Our bodies are waiting for the next shock.

But there are many other ways that trauma can enter the body.

The experts have identified several forms of trauma, including “complex trauma,” “vicarious trauma,” and “generational trauma.” 

Complex trauma is when we are traumatized and due to the emotional pain, we unconsciously create more train wrecks — and more trauma.

Many caregivers of trauma victims experience vicarious trauma. We are all connected, so it makes sense that the pain would transfer.

Generational trauma is similar, but concerns prolonged exposure to unresolved trauma within a family. If someone doesn’t do the healing work, it gets passed along.

All of these have some relevance for me. 

I’ve done a lot of recovery work, self-reflection, and emotional discharge processes, so the “anxiety” is much less than it used to be.

I’m still working on it, but here’s a big takeaway - IT’S NOT “ANXIETY.”

In the healing world, “anxiety” is a misnomer.

It’s something else.

Anxiety?

What difference does it make what we call it?

Language is powerful. 

Anxiety is a clinical term developed by psychiatrists.

The goal is to diagnose and eliminate symptoms. Not to heal.

Here are a few of the diagnoses:

Panic Disorder, Generalized Anxiety Disorder, Social Anxiety Disorder, Specific Phobia, Separation Anxiety Disorder, Agoraphobia, and Substance/Medication-Induced Anxiety Disorder.

The top intervention for these “disorders” is anti-anxiety medication. Sure, a good psychiatrist will at least recommend therapy, but the main thing for Western medicine is MEDICINE.

And yes, in rare cases, it saves lives - in the case of suicidal symptoms.

But most of the time, these medications block our access to emotions, which are required for healing.

A 2017 study showed that 70% of the psychiatrists who developed the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual had direct financial ties to big pharma.

When we call it a clinical problem, we are sent down a road built by a large and impersonal industry.

So, okay, the meds reduce the anxiety, but very little healing is possible, and it will NOT SOLVE THE DEEPER PROBLEMS IN OUR LIVES.

It’s a problem that adds to our trauma instead of healing it.

It’s Fear

A much better model for transformation requires emotional discharge. 

The solution is in the body. Our healing mechanism is brilliant if we give it a chance.

Many wise medical professionals have tried to break through the Pharmaceutical Industrial Complex.

It started with Wilhelm Reich in the 20s and 30s (see Character Analysis), then Alexander Lowen (see Bioenergetic Analysis).

Since then, many others have tried to break through the medical blockades, including J. L. Moreno (Psychodrama), Fritz Perls (Gestalt), and more recently Bessel van der Kolk (The Body Keeps the Score) and Peter Levine (Healing Trauma).

When we call it “fear”, we can look at its roots.

Remember the sports brand, “NO FEAR”?

I used to have a plaque on the wall of my office, “KNOW FEAR.”

It’s essential to notice fear and learn to allow it to teach us. Fear is one way our body asks for attention.

When we get support, tell the story, go beneath our fear, and allow the tears to come, we address the problem.

The tears (which we all try to avoid - and pharmaceuticals can block) are our natural cleansing mechanism.

The fear is often old. It’s not even about today. We’ve carried it in our bodies for years. When we allow ourselves to feel it, usually it’s followed by the healing waters of grief. But we’ll never get there if we keep putting band-aids on it.

Fortunately, “Somatic” healing is becoming more commonly understood.

These days, many of us are carrying fear about the world's circumstances. This triggers our old fears, and it can all seem overwhelming. We need to discharge it from our bodies.

Or it will run all of our thoughts and behaviors.

We will be running around, missing a lot of our lives.

Over the years of doing deep work, I’ve let go of a lot of fear in my body.

And it’s an ongoing process. The onion gets bigger! We discover that each layer requires more healing.

But that’s the good news, because we become increasingly awake to our lives.

I am so glad to be on this healing path with you.

And yes, life is short. And yes, life is long.

Can we hold both of these?

Let me know how it’s going.

Warmly,

Bob

PS. I’ve created a free course that will help you get the fear out of your body. Click here: Re-Parenting Yourself.

P.P.S. Let’s keep this healing movement alive:

Get my new book - Stop Doing Sh*t You Don’t Want to Do! Get it here. Write an amazing review here. The Audiobook is now available on Audible, Spotify, Google Play, and Libro!

Resources. You can go here for recovery and healing resources.

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