Hey there truth seeker,

Welcome to The Beare Truth Newsletter.

In this edition we’ll look at:

• Our many attempts at changing the way we feel.

• Our many attempts at changing our world.

• How to make sustainable change.

We are all trying to “make it better.” There is always something in our lives we want to change. We are anxious or depressed. We aren’t paid enough. Our partner is problematic. Our drugs of choice are not giving us the same hit. And those damn kids!

So, we set out to “make ourselves better” or “improve our situation.” These are good motivations for change, but we often set out on a path that will not be sustainable and we wind up in a different situation but it feels the same. This is what is commonly called “being stuck.”

We can’t just change our external circumstances. It is an inside job.

As always, we want your thoughts and feedback. Please reply to this email.

Let’s take a look at this powerful topic.

The problem - and our opportunity for lasting change - is deep within our unconscious. Our early conditioning has more influence on the rest of our lives than most of us acknowledge. Our frustration and discomfort today are a signpost - an opportunity to heal the lodged emotions in our unconscious and in our bodies.

To medicate or attempt to eliminate our anxiety/depression with cognitive or behavioral adjustments is to apply a temporary bandaid. Changing meds, jobs, partners, or parenting strategies may bring momentary relief but we are not addressing the root of the problem.

Consider

Our challenges - external or internal - are rooted in our unconscious. These repeated emotional and external conflicts can be a signal to look more deeply for transformation. When we were young and impressionable, we took on ideas about the world that pleased our caregivers. Our family of origin and early educational experiences have a significant impact on the way we see the world, how we see ourselves, and our entire life trajectory.

If our early guidance was from dysfunctional adults, our internalized reality became skewed. Even the most caring parents, teachers, and family members project their truth and unresolved issues on us. We embrace these concepts and views as our own. It was a survival mechanism that re-routed our true self-expression and creative path.

The walls that we hit are course corrections if we heed the call. It’s easier and popular to identify a diagnosis or toxic people as the real problem and this becomes the target for change. It won’t work. I tried it for years until I hit some significant life-threatening and life-changing walls.

After we make these superficial attempts to change, we usually see the same problems emerging with a different face. Different job - same problems. New relationship - same problems. Eventually, the pain of this becomes an invitation to surrender and we start feeling the mountain of buried emotions stored in our unconscious.

With quality support, the feelings emerge. We often start blaming again. We blame our less-than-perfect or abusive original caregivers. This is natural, and part of the process, but is also ineffective for lasting change. We have to get off the blame train to change with sustainability. The solution is within.

Anger, fear, shame, and grief are not comfortable which is why we avoided them for so long. These feelings are required for healing and become our new navigational system for what is right for us. This is how we build a foundation for satisfying long-lasting change.

With time, our nervous system begins to calm and we can tolerate life as it is including the experience of genuine responses to life - aka emotions. Bill Wilson, the co-founder of AA invites us to “…accept life on life’s terms.” It’s a much more effective way to live.

So, to make sustainable change, we must have contact with our emotions. Unlike what we’ve been told, healthy emotions are our best guide for decision-making. Intellectualism is overrated. Many of us have a lot to unlearn about how to trust these deeper and more complex truths.

Now, the changes that we make are genuine because they are driven by an authentic vision - a vision that is uncluttered by the many messages we have been handed by others. We now have a chance at lasting peace and joy. We can have the kind of love and lifestyle we’ve longed for. We become our loving parent, our most trusted coach, and our own best friend.

An Affirmation

Today, I am looking beyond my immediate problems and allowing the full range of emotions. I am doing the deeper work and looking at my conditioning. I am choosing support and accessing an increasingly authentic self-expression.

Solutions

1. Get support for healing: Find a body-oriented trauma healer. Get in an experiential group. Heal your inner child. A community group that focuses on inner healing is Adult Children of Alcoholics and Dysfunctional Families (ACA). Consider The Deep Waters Experience or another of the programs on this list: Recovery and Trauma Resources.

2. Notice your patterns: Are you repeatedly in the same uncomfortable internal state? Are the same problems in jobs and relationships ongoing? These are signposts for change. I wrote a book that expands these ideas and solutions. Stop Doing Sh*t You Don’t Want to Do: A Straightforward Guide to Letting Go of Unresolved Trauma

3. Notice the blaming: If you’re blaming people, places, circumstances, or your childhood for your distress - it’s normal. It’s part of the process. Notice it. At some point, a transition to feeling appropriate anger and grief is necessary. With quality support, change will come, and letting go of the blame will happen naturally.

For Your Growth (take this into your journal)

1. What is the theme of your ongoing problems?

2. Where do you place the blame? Them? Your past? Your self?

3. What early experiences do you know have affected your patterns?

4. What changes have you seen since committing to your inner emotional work?

Everything in nature is affected by what happens in those early vulnerable years. The roots and history of a tree have a lot to do with the fruits it produces.

We can make sustainable change if we can let go and get some help. We’ve tried it on our own. Let’s try something different.

Take good care and please reply to this email with your comments.

With warmth,

Bob

P.S. Share your process of healing with us! We'd love to hear your stories and insights. Connect on social media (see links above and below), and PLEASE REPLY TO THIS EMAIL with your comments! Your participation helps us all stay connected. And let us know if you don’t want it published - otherwise, we sure will.

P.P.S. I need your help. The new book STOP DOING SH*T YOU DON’T WANT TO DO is out now! Get it here. Read or just browse the book and write a great review here.  And, the Audiobook version is now available on Spotify, Google Play, and Libro! It is coming soon to other platforms! THANK YOU!!!

From previous newsletters on Money and Happiness, here are the thoughts of some of our community members: