You're so smart

Hey there ,

In this edition:

• What thinking can’t fix

• Why the body is where healing begins

• My story, somatic practices, and how you can get started

• Always open to hearing your story—just hit reply

I tried to figure out my life for years.

Really figure it out. Books, therapy, journaling, you name it. I was determined to think my way into healing.

My ex once said, “You’re the smartest man I’ve ever known.”
She didn’t mean it as a compliment.

What she meant was: You’re stuck in your head. You think you know everything. And you’re missing the actual point.

And she was right.

I was trying desperately to avoid feeling.

That split is where I lived for decades.
A walking head. Disconnected from the wisdom, truth, and intelligence of my own body.

To feel meant facing the stuff in my body—the tightness in my chest, the ache in my gut, the rage in my jaw, the sadness in my bones.

I was taught to be tough and never to show sadness or fear. Occasional blasts of anger were ok, however.

It wasn’t really safe to feel that stuff growing up, so I did what a lot of us do:
I intellectualized it. I rationalized it. I minimized it.

And when that didn’t work, I medicated it—through substances, overwork, codependency, food, and other behaviors that let me stay disconnected.

But here’s what I’ve learned—slowly, painfully, gratefully:

Healing doesn’t happen in the mind.
At least not only there.

It happens in the body.

Like many people raised in environments where emotional honesty wasn’t safe, I learned to suppress. Push it down. Get over it. Be fine. Smile.

The result?
Relationship problems. Work conflicts. Chronic tension. Addictions. Shame. And a life that often felt like something I was managing, not living.

Somatic work changed everything.

Peter Levine, the founder of Somatic Experiencing, teaches that trauma isn’t what happened to us—it’s what gets stuck in the body when we don’t get to complete the cycle of defense, release, or regulation.

In nature, animals shake, cry out, or run, after a threat.
They discharge the energy.

As babies, we did the same.

Until it was time to “grow up.”

Soon, we were told to “calm down,” “be nice,” “don’t make a scene.”
So the energy stayed stuck in our nervous system.

That stuckness shows up as:

• Hypervigilance

• Numbness

• Panic attacks

• Anger outbursts

• Compulsive behaviors

• Exhaustion

• Chronic pain

All things I’ve dealt with. All things I see in others, too.

And yet, most of us try to think our way out of these symptoms.
We blame our thoughts, our habits, or the world.

But really, we’re just dysregulated.

When I get a new coaching client, my first evaluation is: Is this a smart guy? Does he lean on intellect heavily?

If so, I take a breath and get ready for a slightly more difficult ride together.

I wish someone had explained emotions to me earlier:
Your feelings don’t mean you’re weak or broken. Your nervous system is just doing its job.

The trauma, pain, and stress never got a chance to leave your body.
And now it’s screaming to be heard.

Somatic and expressive therapies helped me turn toward that pain instead of away from it.

Sometimes that can look like:

• Lying on the floor, breathing slowly into my belly

• Letting myself cry for no “logical” reason

• Screaming in the car (windows up)

• Shaking out my arms and legs to release tension

• Dancing to music, feeling it in the gut

• Naming a sensation or emotion instead of analyzing a thought

They’re simple practices, but they’re powerful.

We’re not looking up for the answers.

We’re looking down into the body.

That’s a thing, by the way. Those of us who have relied excessively on intellect tend to look up when trying to process through a problem, which is a physical act of avoiding emotion.

The work of Alexander Lowen—creator of Bioenergetics—goes even deeper into this.

He believed our bodies hold emotional patterns in muscular armoring. Our posture, breath, and movement all tell the story of what’s happened to us and what we’ve suppressed.

When we cry, yell, laugh, shake, tremble, move—we’re not being dramatic.
We’re releasing the residue of unprocessed experience.

We’re letting the body complete what it never got to finish.

Lowen said,

I know I did.

And coming back into my body wasn’t fast. Or graceful.
It was clumsy. It was uncomfortable. And at times, it was terrifying.

But it was also—finally—real.

Most of us are carrying distress that’s been trapped in our systems for years, if not decades.

And we’ve been taught to address it in all the wrong ways:

• Numb it with substances

• Control it with perfectionism and staying busy

• Avoid it with overthinking

• “Succeed” our way out of it

The body doesn’t respond to logic.
It responds to presence.

And that’s the heart of somatic healing: coming back into the present moment with your body, instead of trying to escape it.

Consider:

What if your anxiety isn’t a character flaw—but a signal from your nervous system?

What if your chronic fatigue isn’t laziness—but shutdown?

What if your overeating or overworking isn’t failure—but your body begging for regulation?

What if you’re not a problem to be solved—but a person who needs support, movement, release, and connection?

I’m not saying somatic work fixes everything.

But for me—and many others—it’s been the doorway back to truth.
To peace.
To presence.

And that’s where the healing happens.

One breath. One honest moment at a time.

If you’re curious where to begin:

• Look into Somatic Experiencing or Bioenergetic Therapy

• Read Waking the Tiger by Peter Levine

• Explore safe movement or breathwork sessions

• Let yourself cry, scream, laugh, dance—yes, even alone

• Find a trauma-informed therapist or group that centers the body

• Read my book Stop Doing Sh*t You Don’t Want to Do

• Consider attending The Deep Waters Experience

And most importantly:
Start small. Start with kindness. Start with curiosity.

Stay Tuned: A body-based healing community opportunity is coming your way — the Inner Work Community. A warm and supportive gathering of people finding their most healthy and authentic life. Much more about that soon.

With you in this,

Bob

PS. I’d love to hear from you on this topic. Just hit reply.

PPS. Let’s keep this healing movement alive:

• Inner Work Mastery - The 7-day healing program is closed for now, but you can get on the wait list here.

• Get my new book - Stop Doing Sh*t You Don’t Want to Do! Write an amazing review here. The Audiobook is now available on Audible, Spotify, Google Play, and Libro!

• Coaching/Therapy - I have a small practice for people deeply committed to the work. I also have a group of skilled colleagues with the same orientation. Reply if interested.

• Resources. You can go here for free and low-cost recovery and healing resources.

• Reply. I would love to hear your experience, strength, and hope. Just reply to this email. We publish a monthly roundup of reader responses.

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