Welcome to Dr. Bob’s Newsletter

Are you weirdly resistant to some of the things that are best for you?

Me too. But I’ve found some doorways beyond it.

Let’s see if a breakthrough is possible.

What is needed, rather than running away or controlling or suppressing or any other resistance, is understanding fear; that means, watch it, learn about it, come directly into contact with it.

―  Jiddu Krishnamurti

Resistance blocks our creativity and growth. So, yes, blow through it. And yes, fight it. As Steven Pressfield says, “The more important a call or action to our soul’s evolution, the more resistance we will feel toward pursuing it.”

Pressfield’s great book, The War of Art is about mindset, behavior change, and conquering. But the resistance topic is a double-edged sword. Anyone on the path of healing knows that simply changing how you think and behave is only part of the process. Our patterns will return unless we look at - AND FEEL - the roots of the resistance.

For clarity, we are talking about internal resistance. I have experienced many faces of this seeming enemy within. It’s a tricky foe, as it almost always appears to be an external problem. And sometimes it’s even useful resistance. My computer ate the first two drafts of my first book. It was the end of my world at the time and, for a while, I gave up. Later, it revealed itself as a necessary evolution of the material.

Resistance is not always a useful blockade, however. I have held myself back from many opportunities due to internal resistance. I often saw it as the “world not giving me the right opportunities.”

Internal resistance is fear and shame. We know these are rooted in trauma - or conditioning if you prefer. One way to confront this dynamic is to push and fight through it, which may work in short bursts. Another more sustainable approach is following it to the source - to the story of our life that constructed this wall.

We will continue to play small in the world, hide out, and hold ourselves back until we unravel how we’ve been hurt - and how we’ve buried the pain. Our intellectual and behavioral attempts to change these patterns may work temporarily but will return.

We must get to the roots to change the fruits (I just made that up - very corny, but very true). Transforming the underlying pain through emotional discharge work is necessary for sustainable change. There are many opportunities to work through the old stuff (see resources below - or the premium programs).

There are a variety of views in the psychology world that argue that fighting resistance may keep it alive and strong. As Jung wrote, “Anything we resist, persists.” This includes resistance itself! Healing is an act of love not war.

Another framework is to “go with the resistance.” Motivational Interviewing is a great model - mostly used in addiction counseling - for empowering others by reflecting the resistance. We see our problems as external, so techniques that bring the inner resistance to consciousness are useful. Then, rather than fighting it or blaming the world, we become aware and find motivation for deeper healing and change.

Until we explore our old wounds we will blame and shame. We blame the outside world for its blockades. And we shame ourselves for not being “better.” We try to whip ourselves into shape with phrases like “stupid,” “lazy,” and “procrastinator” which are short-term counterproductive strategies.

Remember, there is a small child within us who holds the keys to our authentic nature and needs to be treated with love if we expect any level of trust. Can we ask this child, “What do you need in order to let go?” I’ll guarantee the answer will not be “let’s fight some more.”

A great form of inner child work is through journaling. Ask written questions and allow the child to answer with non-dominant handwriting. It’s a very effective way to go with the resistance rather than fighting it. The child within knows the origins of the shame and fear.

Maybe you like the “conquer” and “do battle” language which is fine - the warrior in us takes our creativity forth into the world. But we must also do the deep healing if we want sustainable growth. I’ve made a lot of progress by holding these two seemingly opposite concepts.

I’ve taken a deeper dive into this topic in the premium community. I think you would enjoy the added support, meditation videos, prompts for journaling, and guided visualizations. Join below! Until next time, thanks for reading.

An Affirmation

Today, I am looking at resistance as a doorway to healing. The child in me knows the origins. The warrior in me can take my creative forces into the world boldly.

I need your help!

Reminder: You are part of a growing community here. We are supporting each other and moving through resistance! Please reply with your experience and comments. We’ll be doing a monthly round-up of community responses.

Thanks for joining me,

Bob

To keep your healing alive, engage with this community, and support my efforts to rally this movement of healing:

1. Reply to this email with your responses for our monthly roundup (Let me know if you don’t want it published - otherwise, I sure will!)

2. Get my new book - Stop Doing Sh*t You Don’t Want to Do is out now! Get it here. And write an amazing review here.  The Audiobook version is now available on Audible, Spotify, Google Play, and Libro! (it’s free if you subscribe to Premium)

3. Resources. You can go here for recovery and healing resources.

4. Premium. For a deeper dive, If you haven’t already, subscribe to Premium here or below for videos, worksheets, webinars, and even more as we continue to grow!

   

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