For the next few posts, we’re continuing the discussion of dependency and addiction.

Take a breath.

When we adjust our chemistry by counterfeit means - WE STOP OUR GROWTH.

Take another breath.

Whether it’s drugs, behaviors, or codependency - they reroute our authenticity.

Breathe.

We’ve all tried the self-will, self-discipline, and self-muscling techniques.

Breathing deeply.

And we’ve all tried to “cut down” which is only a temporary bandaid.

Still breathing?

It’s not a moral issue. Seeing it as a moral failing is useless.

Breathe.

Let’s breathe and take a good look at this topic together.

By the way, I hate it when people tell me to “just breathe,”

But, It’s a powerful topic so I’m reminding myself to breathe!

“Beware of unearned wisdom.” - Carl Jung

We are all addicted to something. We have tried many shortcuts to enlightenment and well-being. And we all have trauma - mild or severe - the results of which are mostly unconscious to us.

We are medicating the underlying pain with work, codependency, love, sex, food, alcohol, medications, or a variety of other emotion-altering activities. And we get addicted to these counterfeit chemistry adjustments.

If you are not - or have not been - in any of these categories, you’re the first such person I’ve known. We’ve attempted to find that nirvana feeling or at least tried to find something to soothe the pain. I’ve been at this for a while. All of the external solutions I’ve used to try to fix my internal distress have failed.

There is a lot of shame thrown around in our culture about being dependent or addicted. We hide it, we deny it, and many die from it. Many just live a partial life - the patterns take over and dull our natural experience of life.

When it gets bad, we try to “cut down.” This method works for some. Mostly for a short time. And for a very few, it is a good experiment that occasionally brings results. I’ve seen a few pull off the cutting-down thing with nicotine. It is almost impossible for the other addictions, however.

“There are two paths…let it get worse and worse with all the damaging results that follow, or get support to quit completely and to develop a new pattern of sober, constructive living.” ― 12-Step Pamphlet

For many, the cutting-down experiment reveals an important set of data. We see that we can’t quit - and stay quit. When we become painfully aware that our self-will is only a quick and unsustainable fix, it can be a good wake-up call.

But we all need to try the “cutting down” ceremonies first. Most of us failed time and time again. The diets and the forcing ourselves to act differently are all exhausting and are not sustainable. I like to say, “I can quit easily. I’m an expert. I’ve done it a thousand times.”

Here’s why it’s so tough: In the recovery world we call it tolerance. Think of it like the cucumber and the pickle. There may have been a time when we were a cucumber. We may have over-used drugs, alcohol, work, fixing others, love-seeking, sex, etc. up to a certain point with some ability to re-direct our behavior. But there is a line we cross. We are no longer a cucumber - we become a pickle. And once a pickle, always a pickle. At that point cutting down will not work. We’ve developed “tolerance” and this requires a sustained lifestyle shift to permanently change our behavior.

The main reason our attempts don’t work is because we are trying to do it on our own - without support. A complete surrender is what is recommended. Letting go of the lone wolf syndrome and asking for help is not easy for most of us.

With support, we can let go of the self-abuse and integrate the ultimate recovery cliche - one day at a time. Quit completely, but only for today, and with support. This is real recovery.

There is a movement called Harm Reduction. This is a philosophy and a set of programs that are designed to save lives. Regarding drug use, it is the biggest federally funded program designed to address addiction. However, it doesn’t address addiction. It is a big cutting-down program.

The bulk of the federal funding for addiction is for heroin addicts. Small doses of opioids are provided to heroin addicts to keep them alive and reduce cravings. If quality treatment is unavailable, or if the person is unwilling to do the work involved to recover, then it’s useful to keep them physically alive. But for many, it is an easy way to avoid recovery and they are living a numbed-out partial life.

Rehabs are everywhere. It’s big business. But, quality programs that use proven abstinence-based and spiritual recovery interventions are rare. They are facilitated by professionals who are in long-term recovery themselves, which is also rare. The lack of quality treatment and the widespread misunderstanding about addiction in our culture - is due to cultural, familial, and personal shame.

The stigma around people in recovery is massive. A woman told me a few days ago, “I thought 12-step recovery was a punishment for bad people.” She needs the work desperately and the cultural shame is keeping her away from the solution.

At The Deep Waters Experience trauma and recovery workshops, we do a process where participants practice saying, “I need help.” Many report that it is the first time in their memory they’ve said those words. Try it. Say it out loud if possible: “I need help.” And again. “I need help.” Look around. Did the world come to an end?

Is it time for you to get support to stop? Or to re-stop? Or to deepen your recovery that might already be underway? There is so much support and freedom available if we can let go of the shame and self will just long enough to ask for help.

And there is a bonus for us codependent types. After we get a good program going, there are so many others who need help - but we can’t help them until we help ourselves first. The service part of recovery is the most satisfying part of the process.

We live in a culture that worships self-will, discipline, and muscling our way to success. If that works for you, ok. But I’ve lived that militaristic lifestyle, and do not miss it. I’m tired just from writing about it.

In this week’s Premium program, we take a deeper dive into this topic with videos, visualizations etc. It’s a strong look at how we get addicted and the ways we can get past our resistance to community support. What we’re up to here is getting our authentic chemistry back online - so we can do the passionate work of healing and living our most genuine lives.

Here are some free and low-cost resources for recovery and healing. If you're ready for the Recovery! Heal! Launch! premium program, please join me there.

AN AFFIRMATION

Today, I will take an honest look at the ways I’m self-medicating and what it is costing me. I will ask for help to let it go and find a new level of freedom.

In service,

Bob

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