Those pesky emotions?

Hey there ,

In this edition:

• Why we ignore our feelings

• Hydraulics, Pneumatics, Volcanos

• Grief is our natural healing mechanism

• Joy and grief are the same river

• Reply with your thoughts.

I spent many years trying to outrun my emotions.

Drugs, alcohol, love, sex, work, food, codependency—I used all of them to avoid feeling.

It worked—for a time.

But eventually, the cracks started to show.

Relationships, careers—and then my desire to even be in this life began to crumble.

Friends in recovery stayed with me until I could begin to see a bit of light.

I woke up about 3 seconds before it destroyed me.

We’ve all been there.

You’re told to “Keep it together.” "Don’t be too emotional." "Focus on logic."

These messages can be helpful in certain situations:

• Like when you're climbing Kilimanjaro

• Or trying to pull off a million dollar business deal

• Or when trying to hit a 100mph fastball

But for most of life, ignoring your feelings is ignoring reality.

This kind of avoidance doesn’t have mild consequences; it can destroy you.

The moment we start resisting our emotions, they start building.

What seems like an occasional rough patch becomes a devastating crash.

Anything we continually repress or put under pressure, will eventually explode in some way.

It’s physics.

See pneumatics — the science of air under pressure.

Or hydraulics—the science of liquid under pressure.

Hold a beachball under water for a while until you’re exhausted.

Or study volcanos!

Psychic energy works the same way.

If we’ve been shut down for a while, the process can feel pretty scary.

At first, the feelings feel like a tidal wave. Grief, anger, fear—raw and overwhelming.

It’s easy to slap a label on it, like “depression” or “anxiety,” and look for quick fixes.

Yes, medication is sometimes necessary—especially if there is a real danger of suicide.

But, contrary to the psychiatric knee-jerk diagnose and prescribe rhythm—it has nothing to do with healing.

The real medicine? Our emotions.

When we let them rise up instead of pushing them down through self-medicating or prescribed medicating, we give them space to heal us.

Over time, with support, this healing becomes part of how we live.

You don’t need to “fix” yourself; you need to allow yourself to feel.

Grief and Joy: The Same River

For much of my life, I thought I could just muscle through it.

Keep my emotions buried deep enough, so I could avoid facing them.

It took a lot of loss for me to wake up and explore the deeper waters.

Grief, joy, anger—these feelings are the compass for a full life.

If we block one, we block them all.

Grief is the natural cleanser for our hearts, but it’s also the doorway to joy.

When we let grief come forward, it frees up the joy that’s always been there, waiting to flow.

Think for a moment about a child who you love a lot.

Or get a picture of that little person that you once were—precious and innocent.

Do you feel a bit of sadness and joy trying to come up?

That’s it—the river of grief and joy.

The Hidden Benefits of Feeling

What happens when we let our emotions out?

At first, it can feel messy. It's not easy to let go of the protective walls we’ve built.

But slowly, as we allow ourselves to feel, the emotional system begins to get back online.

Our nervous system resets.

This is not just talk therapy; this is somatic healing—tuning into your body’s wisdom and allowing it to process old emotions that have been stuck.

For those of us with trauma—which is all of us btw—there’s power in releasing these old wounds.

You may think, “why do I have to dig up these old emotions?”

But, you must get support and learn to trust the process. That question will answer itself.

At first, it can feel uncomfortable, even excruciating.

But over time, the release becomes a way of life.

The blockages start to dissolve, and your authentic self emerges, unburdened.

Again, this journey requires support. It’s human to need help. No one heals alone, and there’s no shame in reaching out.

Therapy, 12-step recovery, somatic work—there is an entire world of healing available to us.

Reclaiming Your Emotional Birthright

Every feeling you have is a part of you.

Contrary to the party line most of us received, our emotions are not something to be ashamed of.

They’re the way you experience life, moment to moment. To truly live, to really feel, is to reclaim your emotional birthright.

The people who live most fully—the ones who experience the depths of joy, connection, and meaning—are the ones who are willing to feel their way through life.

You don’t have to keep fighting your feelings.

Let them guide you. Lean into them. The more you allow them to surface, the more they’ll help you heal, grow, and reconnect with the world around you.

As always, I’d love to hear your thoughts on this topic. Just hit reply.

Grateful,

Bob

PS. I’ve created a free course that will help you stop suppressing your emotions and reconnect with your feelings. Click here: Emotional Integrity 101.

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