It’s been a wild few weeks.

I’ve learned much about myself.

I am not different than nature, I am nature.

And nature rests sometimes. It’s winter. Let’s rest a bit.

“Take rest. Take rest”

― S. N. Goenka

Two weeks ago, I woke to many odd texts and emails. Overnight, I’d been hacked.

My bank accounts were being drained. My cell phone account was closed, and the hacker was now using my phone number. Two of my email accounts were co-opted, and much more. The same day I came down with a bad cold.

The following week was completely consumed with the grind of repairing the damage. 

Then, last week, I was re-hacked and I got sick with a stomach virus. The hack was less devastating but it took a lot to straighten it out. Eventually, the exhaustion forced me to cancel some appointments…then all appointments. 

Here’s what I’ve learned:. 

1. Do all the things they tell you about security.

2. Rest is required or it will be forced upon you.

This whole thing was necessary to see how busy I am on so many levels. Too many accounts. Too many appointments. Too much of everything. 

This is what it took for me to rest. When I physically could not move out of the bed. 

So, ok, I got the message. 

Part of my problem is the delusion that I’m needed so badly by others. Ha! Most replies were simply, “Ok, no problem. Take care of yourself. See you soon.”

Another part of the problem is that I worry that “they” will all go away if I don’t run around and connect constantly. Who the hell is “they”? I don’t know…all of “them!”

If we take a moment to think about it, we all know who “they” are. The many ghosts of the past, mostly from childhood. From those formative years.

For me, I learned to perform to be noticed and to distract from the pain and chaos. I was validated for putting on shows, and for being tough.

My mom was an actress and accomplished executive. My dad worked in below-freezing weather and didn’t miss a day of work for 40 years. Hard to live up to all of that, but I’ve tried mightily.

Wake-up calls come in many forms, and it takes a lot for me to slow down and let go. Staying busy is deeply ingrained and it is painful to change old patterns. These weeks have been both miserable and an incredible gift.

Being busy is a lot like being tough. In recovery, we’ve learned that being vulnerable is much more difficult and courageous than toughness.

Being busy seems productive, noble, and good. But for many of us, it’s the easier road. Rest and self-care are much more of a challenge.

In stillness, we confront our most feared underlying emotions. This is why we push ourselves so hard; we are trying to avoid that buried fear, anger, and sadness. It takes practice to get still and observe what comes up.

In Vipassana meditation, we are encouraged to simply be aware of the sensations that arise in stillness. Yes, it’s simple, but among the hardest practices I’ve undertaken. This is the real work.

After a few hours, days, or sometimes weeks of sitting, breathing, and deep intentional body awareness, the leader will say, “Take rest, take rest.”

It is a great relief. A great rest from the “rest.”

It may look like the meditators are resting while sitting, but looking deeply within is the hardest work. That’s why we avoid it with our external and intellectual obsessions. 

It doesn’t matter what we are doing. We must rest from it. We have seasons just like nature.

I have two roads to take now: Dive back into chaos, or take a break and breathe.

I’m taking a break. I’ve told my team(s) we’re taking a break. It’s time for a break! Did I say that already? I’m taking a break.

My team and I will be resting and back to publishing in February. We’ll also be putting some finishing touches on several amazing healing tools for you in 2025.

If you’re in the Premium Program, consider using this time to (restfully) catch up on the Recover! Heal! Launch! video programs and meditations. Or if you’re ready to start that deeper healing process, go to Premium.

AN AFFIRMATION

“Today, I am noticing how I distract myself from my inner world with busyness and caretaking. I am resting and breathing. I no longer need to save them, fix them, or try to keep them. I am at peace within.”

I’ve enjoyed this year of growth with you.

Thanks for following and reading.

Much more to come.

Restfully, 

Bob

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