- Dr. Bob Beare's Newsletter
- Posts
- Plan, plan, plan
In this week’s edition:
How planning takes over
What happens when fear is triggered
What improv reveals
Creating room for spontaneity
“We often substitute planning, ruminating, or list-making for actually doing something about our dreams.”
I’m an Enneagram 7 - The Enthusiast!
If you’re not familiar with this personality test, here’s a short intro:
Unlike other self evaluation tests, the Enneagram doesn’t tell us who we are—it tells us who we’ve become.
There are 9 types and each type has a unique pattern of avoiding emotions.
The instrument points to both our gifts and where our development work lies.
Healing involves looking at our patterns, and the trauma that created them.
That’s why I love the Enneagram - it points toward healing.
Anyway, I’m The Enthusiast and I have many big plans.
I avoid feelings by planning big, and wearing a superficial mask.
And when I’m under stress, I become The Perfectionist.
I grew up in a home with a good amount of chaos.
I spent the first half of my life anxious and stressed.
Worried, making a mess of things, and obsessively trying to plan out solutions.
Attempting to control my addictions on my own, and attempting to control the world around me.
It never worked.
In recovery, I’ve learned it’s good to have a plan.
But if I am constantly driven by fear and unresolved trauma, my best laid plans will always fail.
How planning takes over
A lot of our creative energy gets pulled into planning and worrying.
For many of us, that’s tied to old pain.
We’re trying to stay ahead of something that already happened.
It can look productive.
It can feel responsible.
Underneath, there’s usually fear driving it.
When that takes over, we lose contact with what’s actually happening right now.
What happens when fear is triggered
You see this clearly in couples who are struggling.
They sit across from each other, but they aren’t hearing each other.
Fear and shame get activated, and the mind starts working.
Not on the present moment, but on old material.
The response comes from somewhere in the past.
In those situations, the work is simple and difficult at the same time.
Slow it down. Listen. Reflect back what was said.
For some people, that alone feels out of reach.
The planning mind doesn’t want to let go.
What improv reveals
In improv theatre, planning shuts everything down.
The moment an actor starts trying to figure it out, the scene loses its life.
When the scene works well, people assume those performers must be preparing ahead of time.
They’re not.
They’ve practiced staying out of the way.
They take risks and trust what comes up.
They follow it.
That’s a skill.
And it can be learned.
Creating room for spontaneity
There’s a lot of encouragement to “be in the moment.”
It sounds good, but it doesn’t happen on command.
Lao Tzu said, “Empty yourself of everything.”
Meditation helps with that.
But for many of us, there’s more going on.
And we can’t just breathe our way past it.
We must deal with the emotions that were never allowed to move.
Fear, grief, anger, shame.
When those are sitting under the surface, the mind stays busy trying to manage them.
And meditation techniques alone are only bandaids.
Some kind of emotional release work helps;
Somatic work.
Trauma healing workshops.
Spaces where feelings can move.
Writing without editing.
Being around people who can tolerate honesty and a break from the script.
As that pressure eases, something shifts.
We start to listen more. React less.
Take chances without overthinking them.
Our relationships feel different.
Our work has more life in it.
Creativity comes back.
And without trying to make it happen, we find ourselves living with more spontaneity.
We’re not following the old plan anymore.
We’re becoming ourselves.
Please let me know how this topic landed for you. Just hit reply (we publish a monthly roundup of your experience, strength, and hope).
If you’re interested in the Enneagram this is a good place to start - The Enneagram Institute
The Inner Work Community is closed for the moment, but you can get on the wait list. It’s a great group of folks healing together.
Letting go,
Bob
PS. The Inner Work Community is closed but opening soon. Find out more here.
PPS. Get my new book - Stop Doing Sh*t You Don’t Want to Do! Write an amazing review here. The Audiobook is available on Audible, Spotify, Google Play, and Libro.
PPPS. If you’re ready for a very deep dive, here’s my in-person 3-day intensive trauma healing workshop. It’s by donation. Check out The Deep Waters Experience
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The best HR advice comes from those in the trenches. That’s what this is: real-world HR insights delivered in a newsletter from Hebba Youssef, a Chief People Officer who’s been there. Practical, real strategies with a dash of humor. Because HR shouldn’t be thankless—and you shouldn’t be alone in it.
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