I'm Right

Hey there ,

In this week’s edition:

• On being “good”

• Right and wrong as weapons

• Groupthink

• Why we get locked onto our ideas

• Leading with the heart

I’ve made it through most of the holidays now.

Mostly unscathed.

Though I did a lot of judging and gossiping in my head.

But I mostly kept it to myself.

That’s progress.

I have a problem:

In my mind, I think I am right and therefore “good.”

Of course, this makes them wrong and “bad.”

I don’t think I’m alone with this framework.

These are useless concepts that keep us miserable.

Most of this comes from childhood.

When we were forming our self-image, we were always rewarded for being good and getting it right (according to the definition set by the giants).

Getting it right is the main goal in our educational system. What a “good” student.

Most religions rely on these concepts, and they’re glad to tell you exactly what they think is right, wrong, good, and bad.

Most of us want to do good, be good, and be seen as good. That urge runs deep.

The trouble is, good is wildly subjective.

What feels kind or supportive to one person can feel intrusive or dismissive to another.

For example, saying “Oh, you poor thing,” “Bless you,” or “Don’t cry” might feel caring to some.

For someone healing from codependency or emotional suppression, those same words can land as insulting or shaming.

This is where things get messy.

Right and Wrong for Others

Morality and ethics are often treated as sacred, but they’re usually just large-group agreements about how people should behave.

They come from religious, cultural, or institutional systems trying to maintain order.

That’s not all bad.

We do need limits around genuinely dangerous behavior.

But the obsession with deciding what’s right and wrong for others goes far beyond that.

It becomes control.

Groupthink and Fear

Groupthink is a well-studied psychological phenomenon.

A group decides what’s acceptable, what’s not, and enforces it—often through fear, shame, or exclusion.

George Carlin said, “The larger the group, the more toxic, the more of your beauty as an individual you have to surrender for the sake of group thought.”

Creativity dies there.

Critical thinking disappears.

Coercion takes over.

Once we’re caught in that system, we stop listening inwardly.

We outsource our values.

We react instead of respond.

The Limits of the Mind

The mind loves right and wrong because it wants certainty. It wants conclusions.

It wants things wrapped up neatly.

Controlling politicians rely on our urgency for simple answers and slogans.

But some things don’t have simple answers.

Human experience is one of them.

When we stay stuck in our heads, we argue endlessly about who’s right, who’s wrong, who’s good, who’s bad.

Nothing ever really resolves.

A Wider Field

When we drop out of our heads and into our hearts, something loosens.

The rigid categories fall away.

The heart doesn’t need to cage ideas.

It recognizes nuance.

It senses context.

It knows that life is fluid and creative, not something to be nailed down with rules.

As we grow, we move toward a more mature way of being—less judgment, more curiosity.

Less certainty, more openness.

That’s the field Rumi was pointing to.

A deeper way of meeting each other—without the constant need to be right.

Besides, all that judging is exhausting!

Time for a break.

Let me know if this resonates. I’d love to hear your thoughts. Just hit reply (we publish a monthly roundup of your experience, strength, and hope).

Warmly,

Bob

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