"I got this"

Hey there ,

Many years ago, when my ex dragged me into therapy, I sat on the couch with my arms crossed and a wise-ass smirk on my face.

I didn’t say much, but my posture screamed: “I don’t need this crap.”

The idea that I needed help was offensive.

It poked at the one belief I had built my entire identity around: that I could handle everything myself. That I was strong. That I didn’t need anyone.

It’s a little embarrassing to admit now.

But I have compassion for that version of me—and for the hundreds of men who have been dragged into my office over the years, armored up, just like I was.

I also have compassion for the women who’ve endured this toxic wall of masculinity.

And for the women who have their own version of fear-driven resistance to deep healing.

It took me losing a child, a marriage, and a series of jobs to finally hit a wall.

When my self-sufficiency stopped working, and the pain became unbearable, something cracked open.

And that crack was the beginning of my healing.

We live in a culture that celebrates “doing it alone.”

We’re told to tough it out. Hustle. Push through. “Don’t be weak.” “Don’t be needy.” “Figure it out.”

It’s a seductive fantasy—especially if you were raised to believe that emotions are dangerous and vulnerability is shameful.

But the science is clear: we’re not wired to do life alone.

Connection isn’t a luxury. It’s biology.

We need it the way we need oxygen and water.

In fact, research shows that only about 5% of our behavior is driven by conscious thought.

The other 95% is unconscious—shaped by emotion, trauma, memory, and old stories we don’t even know we’re carrying.

You can’t “figure out” your life with willpower alone. You can’t outsmart your nervous system.

At some point, your self-reliance becomes your prison.

I used to think grief was weakness. I now see it as sacred.

It’s the body’s natural way of clearing what’s been stored.

But to grieve—to really feel—we need to be in spaces that are safe enough, slow enough, and honest enough to hold it.

Most of us never learned how to do that.

So we medicate it. Avoid it. Perform over it.

But when I finally sat in circles of people who weren’t trying to fix me—who could listen without interrupting, who weren’t afraid of the dark—I discovered something else:

I didn’t need to hold it all myself.

I could rest. I could soften. I could let go.

And in that surrender, I found real power.

Letting go isn’t giving up.

It’s giving in to the truth that healing doesn’t happen in isolation.

It happens in community.

It happens when we stop performing, stop pretending, and start feeling.

It happens when we stop trying to be strong, and allow ourselves to be real.

For me, that began with sitting in rooms of people telling the truth about their addictions, their losses, their shame.

12-step recovery saved my life—not because of the steps themselves, but because of the people willing to live in radical honesty.

I know it’s not for everybody.

And I also know it’s for everybody (there’s 40 different programs).

It’s for anyone who’s willing to surrender even the smallest part of their armored ego.

The same thing happened for me in somatic healing circles.

Body-first healing spaces, where you don’t need to explain everything. You just show up. Shake. Breathe. Cry. Roar. Rest.

You come home to your body—and realize it was never the enemy.

It’s where our deepest gifts are lodged in frozen emotions.

It’s our body that has been asking for help all along.

Support isn’t a crutch.

It’s soil.

It’s what lets something real grow.

It’s the antidote to self-abandonment. The mirror that reminds you you’re not alone. The container that lets your grief and joy coexist.

If you’ve been trying to do it all on your own—I get it.

But maybe it’s time to ask yourself a deeper question:

What if letting go is what finally sets you free?

For the next couple of weeks, I’m inviting you and a small group of people into a private healing community—one where support isn’t seen as weakness, but wisdom.

You can get early access plus 25% off by enrolling in my free Emotional Integrity 101 5-day email course (you’ll get access to the community on days 4 and 5).

You don’t have to do this alone. You never did.

I'd love to hear how allowing support works in your life.

Just hit reply and let me know.

Warmly,

Bob

PS. Let’s keep this healing movement alive:

• Get my new book - Stop Doing Sh*t You Don’t Want to Do! Write an amazing review here. The Audiobook is now available on Audible, Spotify, Google Play, and Libro!

• Coaching/Therapy - I have a small practice for people deeply committed to the work. I also have a group of skilled colleagues with the same somatic healing orientation. Reply if interested.

• Resources. You can go here for free and low-cost recovery and healing resources.

• Reply. I would love to hear your experience, strength, and hope. Just reply to this email. We publish a monthly roundup of reader responses.