- Dr. Bob Beare's Newsletter
- Posts
- Humor - A Mask?
In this week’s edition:
Why laughter shows up around pain
What happens when the truth finally comes out
Humor as release
The place laughter holds in healing
“Humor is tragedy plus time.”
Jokes and laughter were my only tools.
Before recovery, I smiled when angry.
I joked when sad or scared.
My humor was often hurtful and targeted.
It was all a big mask.
When I started my recovery, it was the opposite.
I took myself so seriously, I was afraid of humor.
It took some inner work to reclaim an authentic, playful, joy.
Why laughter shows up around pain
Spend a little time in the rooms of AA and you’ll hear some of the roughest stories imaginable.
Death. Addiction. Broken families. Jail cells. Car wrecks.
And the laughter is uproarious.
To someone on the outside it can feel strange.
How can people laugh about things that painful?
But anyone who has lived through it understands.
When the truth finally gets spoken, the pressure breaks.
Sometimes that release comes as anger.
Sometimes grief.
Sometimes laughter that fills the whole room.
When the truth comes out
The things we don’t talk about build pressure.
They sit inside us for years, sometimes decades.
When people finally say out loud what actually happened, something moves.
A body that’s been tight for a long time loosens.
Words that were once unspeakable start sounding almost ordinary.
On a healing path, the full range of emotion is allowed.
Tears. Anger. Laughter.
None of them are mistakes.
Humor as release
A lot of comedians have tragic stories.
Turning those experiences into a routine was often the only way they knew how to survive them.
Humor can be a release valve.
It lets us touch something painful without being completely swallowed by it.
It can also be a mask.
If the laughter never makes room for grief or anger, the imbalance shows up somewhere else.
That’s why many people entering therapy are encouraged to drop the painted-on smile for a while.
Especially when it’s covering resentment or hurt that never had space to come out.
The place laughter holds in healing
After some real healing, humor starts to sound different.
The stories change shape.
Broken relationships become hard-earned wisdom.
Someone tells a room full of newcomers, “Don’t text the ex,” and everyone laughs because they know exactly how that lesson was learned.
The wrecks, the jail time, the chaos of the past become cautionary tales that make honesty easier for the next person.
Erma Bombeck, the humorist, once said there is a thin line between laughter and pain, comedy and tragedy, humor and hurt.
We’re full-range humans.
The truth has to come out somewhere.
Sometimes it comes out as tears.
Sometimes as laughter.
And a good laugh usually brings the tears with it anyway.
Is it time to reclaim your full emotional range?
The Inner Work Community is closed for the moment, but you can get on the wait list..
I’d love to hear your experience with humor as a mask, and humor as healing. Just hit reply (we publish a monthly roundup of your experience, strength, and hope).
Gratefully,
Bob
PS. The Inner Work Community is closed but opening soon. Find out more here.
PPS. Get my new book - Stop Doing Sh*t You Don’t Want to Do! Write an amazing review here. The Audiobook is available on Audible, Spotify, Google Play, and Libro.
PPPS. If you’re ready for a very deep dive, here’s my in-person 3-day intensive trauma healing workshop. It’s by donation. Check out The Deep Waters Experience
__________________________________________________________
The best HR advice comes from those in the trenches. That’s what this is: real-world HR insights delivered in a newsletter from Hebba Youssef, a Chief People Officer who’s been there. Practical, real strategies with a dash of humor. Because HR shouldn’t be thankless—and you shouldn’t be alone in it.
Reply