Welcome to Dr. Bob’s Newsletter

Have you ever felt stuck?

Have you repeated the same miseries?

Well, you’re in the right place here. Me too. Many times.

So, let’s change that shit! Together. Sometimes we just have to start somewhere!

“The secret to getting ahead is getting started.”

― Mark Twain

We often think we have to have the perfect beginning to get started. Well none of us had, have, or will have a perfect beginning. When we’re stuck, let’s consider taking an action of some kind.

This is not a Nike commercial. If you are like me and have that perfectionist thing, it is difficult to “just do it.” It’s helpful for me to remember that my hesitancy is usually rooted in an old fear - often from childhood - and has little to do with the moment.

Whenever I act toward something healthy, I signal to my system that I’m ready to move beyond the old shame and fear. I’m telling the kid in me that it is ok to play, be spontaneous, and have some fun. This opens up a whole world of options for our lives.

If you watch kids when they’re 0-6, they have little concern for perfection. The world hasn’t started its relentless indoctrination yet. Yes, I’m increasingly childish and childlike. Thank you very much. It’s taken me years to get here.

I’ve had some experiences that confront my dad’s well-meaning admonitions that creativity is impractical and “there ain’t a lot of money in it.” Since beginning recovery, I’ve found a whole new level of prosperity in the arts and creative entrepreneurial pursuits.

My dad didn’t know or care about the joy and freedom of creativity. No blame, but his guidance on that point has proven to be bullshit. I squeezed an “I’m proud of you son” out of him a few times in his much later years. Moves me deeply to this day. He was a philosopher and writer who never found his way to the written page.

In my creativity workshops, I have everyone scribble with crayons for an extended time - to prepare for the big butcher paper paint splatter. Many 40+ adults say they haven’t painted or touched a crayon for decades.

You may wonder if this is practice for making great museum art. Probably not. It is practice for letting go of our relentless tight-assed control of everything in pursuit of perfection. It’s practice for trusting our creative urges - which are our most unique and interesting aspects.

Most of us were told a variety of limiting things like, “Don’t make a mess,” “That’s not a proper giraffe you’re drawing,” or “If you can’t do it right, don’t do it at all.” We learned to hold back and doubt our spontaneous expression.

A creative and prosperous life is not blocked by anything in the now. It is old messages knocking around in our heads, driven by unresolved pain in the body. Read that again.

If we practice being messy sometimes, we learn to take action. We are less concerned if it’s good, bad, right, or wrong. Sometimes this willingness to take action can even get things CLEANED UP! My messy house and car will not get cleaned if I wait until I know the perfect starting place.

This way of living keeps things interesting and vibrant. The improv actor will never step on stage if he has to know exactly what part of the story he is addressing. And we will never start our healing process if we have to know exactly where to start.

The improv master, Patricia Madson wrote, “The start anywhere rule is liberating. It means you can begin to make progress on your dream or a dreaded task at any time.”

We have to start with what is cooking…emotionally…right now. We can turn our distress into motivation. We write about it (as I am here) or find another creative expression that brings clarity for you - and sometimes brings value to the world. Your unique and imperfect struggle is interesting, makes great art, and can be great modeling for others.

As we do this and see others doing it in healing or creative circles, it gets normalized and we return to a kind of spontaneity we had as children - before the limiting messages got piled on by our unconscious culture.

Those old directives become part of our unconscious inner dialogue. Maybe we were told to “Watch your mouth” or “Where’d you get an idea like that?” These messages stick with us - and hold us back

When we begin walking the healing path, we sometimes have to go with what comes first, without editing. It may be raw, rough, and imperfect, but it is necessary to get our authenticity underway.

Healthy circles of people will affirm this kind of vulnerable risk-taking. Our trauma taught us to doubt our first thoughts, which are driven by emotion, and we tell ourselves “Well that would sound stupid” so we stuff it down.

The new way is to try expressing the first feeling and thought and see if anyone dies. It takes practice and it may not feel comfortable at first to express emotions and creativity openly. We may get some strange reactions. It’s ok - you’re going to have to train them that there’s a new spontaneous you in town.

It’s time to let go of perfection. It’s not a thing. Miles Davis said, “Don’t worry about mistakes, there are none.” You are unique and beautifully imperfect and this is what makes interesting art, deeper relationships, and a vivid life.

AN AFFIRMATION

Today, I am expressing myself honestly. I am in touch with the child within me. My creativity is alive and my unique expression is leading my life.

Thanks for joining me,

Bob

Reminder: You are part of a growing community here. We are supporting each other in taking some healthy action - even if imperfect! This is a community forum for dialogue. I would appreciate your insights on this topic. Please reply with your experience and comments.

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