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- I Don't Need Help! I'm Fine. I Got This.
I Don't Need Help! I'm Fine. I Got This.
Sure About That? - On Allowing Support
Why So Much Emphasis on Support?
In a world that emphasizes self-reliance and individualism, we have to remember that we’re human. We are imperfect and inherently interconnected.
Brene’ Brown wrote, “…no matter our status, wealth, or determination, we all depend on others for physical, emotional, and spiritual support.”
Like it or not, if you want to grow, you have to learn to trust and allow support.
Most of us had to hit some pretty strong walls before we were willing to let go.
You wouldn’t have made it to this newsletter if you weren’t on the path of truth.
What has awakened you? (I hope you give your reply at the end of this).
Consider
We are all part of the big tapestry of existence. But trauma makes us defensive and we see the world through a skewed lens. When we are hurt (especially as kids) we hold on to it. We go on expecting the pain of the past to happen again. Unaddressed hurt can build up, creating barriers that disconnect us from reality and from each other.
Sometimes we need to create distance from toxic environments but eventually, we see that seeking help and support is essential. It’s the key to letting go and leads us to a supportive community that becomes our "family of choice."
For thousands of years, people tried to beat and bleed alcoholics in an attempt to cure them of their addiction. In 1935, Alcoholics Anonymous (AA) was founded, and they discovered that the only effective way to address addiction is through a deep connection with others. AA works for everyone who actually works the program.
It is the same with any chronic dependency or dysfunctional behavior. A complete change from isolation to connection is required to sustainably re-route the pattern.
Take a moment to reflect on your own journey. Have there been times when you resisted asking for support out of fear or perceived weakness?
How might your life have been different if you had reached out for help during those moments?
Remember that seeking support is not a sign of weakness but a courageous act of acknowledging our shared perfectly imperfect humanity.
Vulnerability is the new cool.
Solutions
Embracing support begins with recognizing that it is a strength, not a weakness. The cultural emphasis on being strong, smart, fixing things, and controlling everything is absolute bullshit propaganda. It will get you nowhere.
Accepting help from others allows us to heal, grow, and form meaningful connections. Here are some steps you can take to open yourself up to support:
Break the Stigma: Challenge the notion that asking for help is a sign of inadequacy. In reality, seeking support takes courage and resilience.
Reach Out: Whether it's a therapist or support groups, consider getting help when you need it (many options at the link below). Vulnerability is the gateway to healing.
Offer Support: Be open to supporting others when they need it - especially if you have been on the path for a while. Service to others creates a full circle that supports our own recovery. Providing help to others creates a reciprocal environment where everyone feels valued and cared for.
Questions For You
When was the last time you asked for help, and how did it make you feel?
Have you ever hesitated to seek support due to societal expectations? How can we challenge those expectations together?
What does a strong support system look like to you, and how can you nurture it?
Remember, we’re in this life thing together. We’ve made it this far. Let’s thrive and support each other in a life well-lived!
Thank you for being a part of this community and embracing the power of support.
Warmly,
Bob
P.S. Please, let’s have a dialogue. Reply and comment on your experience, strength, and hope related to this topic. Let me know if you don’t want it published.
P.P.S. The new book is coming out in August. Please reply to this if you don’t yet have your free pre-launch copy and/or if you would like to join the Stop Doing Sh*t You Don’t Want to Do Book Launch Team (get the promo launch copy and write an amazing review).
In the last newsletter, Shitshow Parenting 101, I pushed you to start thinking about parenting. How you were parented and how, if you are a parent, you are parenting your own children. These members of the community reached out to continue the conversation with me, and I am grateful they did.
Eric is starting to look at his own family of origin and looks forward to revealing more about the good family he came from:
“Thank you for the free resources. I downloaded the book and plan to start reading soon. We have a newborn and I fall into that trap of “but I came from a good family”. I’ve done enough work to know there’s some enmeshment in my family of origin but I think more will be revealed.”
Rodrigo grew up as a star, and shares how this left him with a long way to fall before finally coming to the healing work.
“I grew up with so much love I didn’t even realize I came from a broken home. Specially before it was just my mother and I, when we lived with my grandparents. “It takes a village” and all that. They all did they best they could and I’m grateful. Can you have too much of a good thing? Natural talent academically and socially, mixed with an early appreciation for external validation well that’s a recipe alright. I’m not resentful at my family, I’m content with the message of “being a star”. I’m teaching my self now, what to do when we fall. And well if you’re a star, the fall is a pretty big one isn’t it? I still don’t know my father. I never had him, to miss. I always thought those other kids that knew their fathers then lost the family nuclei they were familiar with had it worse off. In a sense I still do, however I realize now that sometimes what is not said has just a loud an impact. Now, as a 29 year old man on the journey of growth with plenty to go, no finish line in sight matter of fact… I pause and pray that I may shine light onto the darkness of my past so that the future may be brighter.”
Finally, Bill shares how he is breaking away from his parents’ messages to become a more aware parent.
“I grew up with two messages: "Do as I say, not as I do" and "I brought you into this world, I can take you out." These messages were rooted in my parents' own lack of control, and they caused me to feel tense and angry as a parent. When my kids ignored me or didn't respect me, I would get angry. I would yell or feel contemptuous, as if they were deliberately trying to hurt me. It took me years to realize that these feelings were coming from my childhood. With therapy and men's work, I learned to understand and let go of these unhealthy messages. Now, when my kids challenge me, I can pause, breathe, and respond calmly. I'm grateful that my eight-year-old can now recognize when I'm feeling tense and remind me to take a breath.”
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