Discipline

Hey there ,

In this week’s edition:

• The problem with bootstraps

• Plato on our natural genius

• Discipline as control

• Generational trauma

• Healing to access enthusiasm for life

My Story

I was raised on discipline.

Push harder. Tough it out. Don’t complain.

And for a while, I did just that.

I forced myself into jobs I hated.

I put on the mask, smiled through the grind, and told myself that this was success.

But inside, I was empty. No amount of effort could fill the void.

I turned to a variety of substances and addictive behaviors to ease the increasing misery.

Eventually, I crashed and slowly realized the truth: the harder I pushed, the further I got from myself.

I was being run by a very bad drill sergeant deep within my psyche.

What looked like discipline on the outside was actually unresolved trauma and disconnection on the inside.

The Problem with Force

There’s no shortage of quotes about discipline: grind, hustle, sacrifice, suffer.

But at some point, don’t we have to ask—how’s that working out?

The phrase “pull yourself up by your bootstraps” has been repeated so often it feels like gospel.

But it’s impossible. Literally.

Think about it — It’s a physical impossibility to “pull yourself up” by your bootstraps.

Just as it’s impossible to create an authentic life by forcing yourself into someone else’s mold.

Yes, the military can train you to act against your instincts.

Yes, corporations can reward you for selling their widgets.

And yes, parents can punish their children into submission.

But none of this creates authenticity.

It creates compliance.

And compliance eventually collapses.

Generational Trauma

This reliance on force runs deep.

Parents with unhealed wounds pass down rules and punishments meant not to nurture, but to ease their own anxiety.

We inherit these scripts when we are young and impressionable, and they become the invisible rulebook we live by.

Don’t cry. Don’t be angry. Don’t be different. Don’t question authority.

This is generational trauma: living according to patterns that were handed to us, not chosen by us.

And until we unpack them, we mistake them for truth.

The Wake-Up

At some point, most of us hit a wall. The career, the marriage, the goals we thought would satisfy us—but never do.

And in the rubble of that collapse, real questions start to surface:

• What do I actually want?

• What lights me up?

• What am I doing with this one precious life?

That’s when the work begins.

And yes, it’s hard.

It means revisiting childhood.

It means feeling what we buried.

It means facing grief and anger head-on.

But as the pain locked in the body begins to release, something remarkable happens: life gets easier.

Not because we’ve become more disciplined, but because we’ve stopped fighting ourselves.

Real Enthusiasm

When healing becomes a way of life, we stop running on adrenaline and start running on natural energy.

Creativity returns.

Relationships deepen.

We find ourselves pulled by something far stronger than willpower: enthusiasm.

To outsiders, it may look like discipline. But we know the difference.

Discipline is white-knuckling.

Enthusiasm is alignment.

And alignment has its own momentum.

A Final Word

Force will get you through a season. But it will never carry you into authenticity.

The path forward isn’t about grinding harder. It’s about doing the deep work to clear the shame and pain that block your natural energy.

From that place, what once felt impossible becomes second nature.

The struggle to force becomes the freedom to create.

That’s not discipline.

That’s enthusiasm.

Can you relate to any of this?
Just hit reply and let me know (we publish a monthly roundup of your experience, strength, and hope).

With enthusiasm!,

Bob

PS. The Inner Work Community is closed for now, we’ll open enrollment again soon. In the meantime, there’s many free and low cost programs for recovery and healing. Or email me for counseling, coaching, and process groups. Here’s the link to The Deep Waters Experience 3-day trauma workshop.

PPS. Get my new book - Stop Doing Sh*t You Don’t Want to Do! Write an amazing review here. The Audiobook is now available on Audible, Spotify, Google Play, and Libro!