“This thing of darkness I acknowledge mine.” ―  William Shakespeare

Why Are We Talking About “The Shadow?”

The research of biologist Dr. Bruce Lipton has shown that the unconscious runs 95% of our life. “The Shadow” is one of the concepts Dr. Carl Jung developed to discuss and explore the unconscious—an important aspect of our psychological development.

If we want to grow, we have to look into the darker parts of ourselves and put some light on them.

Ever wonder why certain people or situations piss you off excessively? Or why you are deeply enamored by others?

We project our darkness on the things and people we hate. We project our unacknowledged positive attributes on the people we revere. If we reclaim those projections, we reclaim our authentic lives.

What is it?

The shadow is the part of us we don’t know very well. It gets a bad rap. Many think of it as the “bad” stuff, or the worst side of our personality. The shadow is simply the part of us we hide, repress, and deny.

We learned to repress certain aspects of ourselves due to what Don Miguel Ruiz calls “domestication.” Our families and culture give us cues as to how we should be, and we bury the parts that don’t fit. We therapist types call it trauma.

Here is the most misunderstood aspect of the shadow: The buried part of us is often the very best and most genuine aspect of our personality.

Jung wrote, "To the degree in which the shadow is recognized and integrated,... [it] becomes the center of the individuation quest.” …or said another way, the shadow can be a source for personal growth. By integrating our shadow, we can gain a deeper understanding of ourselves and the world around us.

Consider

We must find the courage to put some light on the darkness. If we do, we’ll integrate important energy for life. The shadow is formed by trauma - mild or severe.

If an expression or behavior was not encouraged, or was shamed by our early caregivers, we may have repressed this way of being. If we were told or shown that speaking loudly, or being outwardly emotionally expressive, was not acceptable, then we may have repressed our ability to speak up or share feelings.

Sexuality is in the shadow for most of us. We live in a puritanical society that implies that our body is somehow bad and to be hidden. Additionally, If we were exposed to abusive religious ideas about the shamefulness of the body and sexuality, this part of our life will be troublesome and deeply repressed in the shadow.

Suppressed sexuality often turns into addiction or self-harm. There are many tales of sexual acting out by members of repressive religious groups.

Many of us with these wounds - if we are fortunate - can be found in the rooms of sex and love addicts anonymous.

The shadow will find its way to the surface - either by healthy integration or in hidden and destructive ways.

The repressed emotions live in our bodies and can also turn into physical ailments.

Solutions

The very best way to find your shadow - dark or light - is by examining our projections.

Is there a particular politician you loathe?

An artist or love image you are “wild” about?

They may actually be “bad” or “good,” but that’s beside the point. These are opportunities to reclaim ourselves.

We may be just like that person we hate, but we can’t see it.

Conversely, we may have unclaimed healthy aspects of ourselves in our shadow that we project on the people we put on pedestals.

Another common way the shadow appears is when we act exactly the opposite of the identified evil-doer.

A close colleague of mine cannot believe how a particular politician repeatedly “gets away with things.” My colleague follows all the rules and admittedly is over-responsible in many ways.

Do you see how this works? We don’t need to become these projections, but let’s take a look at how we project and disown valuable aspects of ourselves.

This is what is called shadow work; Reclaiming our repressed authenticity.

The way out is to seek support for allowing those parts of us to be acknowledged and given some healthy expression.

Somatic therapy, Jungian therapy, 12-step groups, and experiential workshops allow the identification and expression of these repressed aspects.

A flow of freedom and joy is always the result. It can be seen as a spiritual process. Like a river that gets unblocked, we flow to the source.

Questions For You

• Who are a few people or institutions that really piss you off?

• What words would you use to describe them?

• Is there an aspect of you that is similar? Or opposite?

Repeat this exercise with a couple of people you admire.

Pay attention to the areas of your life where you can bring these aspects forward. You may think people will reject you. They may. But probably not. They are way more focused on their own stuff than on you. Try it.

By the way, when we become more authentic, exactly the right people will begin to atrophy from our lives.

It is useful to be around other people who are doing this kind of work. In these kinds of groups and environments, we say “Welcome shadow.” We welcome explorations into the emotional truth - both ugly and beautiful. As we reclaim our true selves, we empower others to do the same.

Take care,

Bob

P.S. Please, let’s have a dialogue. Reply and comment on your experience, strength, and hope related to this topic. Let me know if you don’t want it published.

P.P.S. The new book is coming out in August. Please reply to this if you don’t yet have your free pre-launch copy and/or if you would like to join the Stop Doing Sh*t You Don’t Want to Do Book Launch Team (get a promo copy and write an amazing review).

Go to this link for a connection to recovery resources.

Go to this link for a connection to community trauma-healing programs.

Here are some of your comments on the last Newsletter Resentments Are So Much Fun.

Zion W. The best form of revenge is moving on and being happy. Besides, if you want to win the game of life, then you need to address whatever is preventing you from stepping into your new identity.

Kim D. I've spent most of my life in the death grip of resentment, which allowed me to slip into victim mode and comfortably stay there. For me, it was the idea that I could read people's minds, and that is where a lot of the resentment was born. In reality, it was me being a master-level assumption maker. Thank you for stating, "Ask yourself, “How have I been hurt like this before.” With this line, I was lovingly reminded of my childhood trauma, and from that emerged my unhealthy thinking that no one likes me, and I'll never be enough. Carrying THAT crap around has been painful and no wonder I had heaps of resentment. Today, I get to look at my part in the conflict, love and forgive myself, then grow into the person I am meant to be!