Boundaries or Razor Wire?

Hey there ,

In this week’s edition:

• Why early boundaries can feel like weapons

• The difference between walls and self-respect

• How “too nice” and “too sharp” are both trauma responses

• The quiet grace that follows real healing

I used to think boundaries meant confrontation.

If I finally got the courage to speak up, I’d let it rip.

I’d spent too many years swallowing my truth, so when it came out, it came out loud.

Like a lot of people in recovery, I’d walked on eggshells for decades—careful not to offend, terrified to lose connection.

When I started healing, I swore I’d stop taking sh*t from anyone.

It felt powerful.

But it also scared people off.

That’s how it goes in the beginning.

It’s not the end of the world. That’s how this lifestyle change works.

Boundaries feel clumsy at first because we’ve never really had them.

Why We Get Edgy

Boundaries are a popular topic in the recovery world for a reason.

After years of silence, most of us are desperate to feel our own power.

We want to say no. We want to stop people from walking all over us.

But early boundaries often look more like walls with razor wire.

They come out edgy, defensive, or angry—and that’s okay.

It’s part of the process. We’ve been holding this energy for a long time.

Still, it’s worth noticing how that energy lands.

When we start setting limits, we can end up pushing away the very people who might have supported our healing.

Healthy Boundaries Are an Advanced Skill

Most of us live at one extreme or the other:

• We alienate people with sharp edges.

• Or we let people use us because we’re afraid of conflict.

Both are trauma responses.

One protects the wound with armor; the other hides it with people-pleasing.

We learned both patterns to survive.

Now it’s time to thrive.

As Healing Deepens

As we heal, boundaries start to change shape.

They become less about control and more about peace.

We stop needing to defend ourselves so fiercely because we’re no longer surrounding ourselves with people who trample us.

We start to notice red flags early. We gravitate toward healthier connections.

And when our nervous system begins to relax, we don’t invite as much chaos in the first place.

The Grace Beyond Defense

Eventually, boundaries stop feeling like barbed wire and start feeling like natural law.

They’re no longer statements we make—they’re just the quiet way we live.

There’s a grace that comes with this stage of recovery.

A sense that we don’t have to prove anything or protect ourselves constantly.

We can simply choose peace, and walk toward it.

If you’d like to move this into action, I’ve created The Inner Child Toolkit. It’s a free 5-day email course (see below).

So, can you relate to any of this?

Just hit reply and let me know (we publish a monthly roundup of your experience, strength, and hope).

Grateful,

Bob

PS. The Inner Work Community is closed for now. We’ll open enrollment again soon. In the meantime, you can start with The Inner Child Toolkit — a free 5-day course that helps you heal the patterns running your life by reconnecting with your younger self.

PPS. Get my new book - Stop Doing Sh*t You Don’t Want to Do! Write an amazing review here. The Audiobook is now available on Audible, Spotify, Google Play, and Libro!