Welcome to Dr. Bob’s Newsletter

Do you resist asking for help?

I resist it mightily.

But it’s required.

Ugh and Yay!

Read on!

“One of the biggest defects in life is the inability to ask for help.”

―  Robert Kiyosaki

Depending on your training, you will have different excuses to avoid asking for help. It was drilled into me that asking for help was weak and not manly. I was expected to be “manly” as a child.

I was also expected to be “smarter than that.” Being smart and figuring it out on my own was emphasized and modeled. As a child of depression/war-era parents, the “pull yourself up by your physical and intellectual bootstraps” philosophy was pervasive.

It was only 3 decades later, when I became suicidal after a long self-medicating binge and a breakup that I became willing to get some help. As you know, pain can be a pretty good motivational factor.

But I was hopeful it would be easy and would not require much effort on my part. I started at church, hoping I could pray the problems away. Unfortunately, the priest was a licensed therapist and in long-term recovery! My plan to avoid getting some real help was dashed.

So, I began the long journey of asking for help as a lifestyle. We are all from tribes that used to rely on each other as a way of life. We are built for community support. It is in our bones to help and be helped.

Anyone on the healing path for a while knows that we know almost nothing. We are - at best - 5% conscious. Subconscious motivations run everything else.

To become more conscious, we need support. We cannot see ourselves without the reflection of others. Many of us know that we need to change, and we try to do it on our own. We read the right books. We force ourselves to sit still and try to clear our minds. We try mightily to change our thinking and behavior. But we wind up in very similar situations repeatedly.

Eventually, we get tired of the isolation and squeeze out the words “I need help.” At The Deep Waters Experience, a trauma recovery workshop I facilitate, the group actually practices the phrase “I need help.” For many, it is the first time these words have been uttered.

When allowing others to help becomes a lifestyle, the shame attached to this wears off. People in recovery like to help (sometimes too much, but that’s another topic!)

We must find the balance between accepting some feedback and finding our true path. Blazing trails is fine, but those who have come before us do have hard-won wisdom. They survived their injuries and then course-corrected. Become willing to learn about the trails! Trailblazing is great but take a guide on some of your forays into the unconscious.

This topic has been one of the most difficult and rewarding for me over the years. Asking for help with my healing has always been a big stretch. But I’m grateful for all the wise mentors and guides who have been there when I could finally reach out.

After 30 years of depth work, I’m committed to sharing some of the gold. This is why I started the video programs on Premium - plus I’m having a blast with it. This week's program digs deeper into our conditioning and how it prevents us from allowing support. The worksheets take it into action. The visualization brings the child within into the solution. Hope you join us there.

After a while, we relax some of our resistance to getting support, begin listening more deeply, and course-correct as a regular rhythm. Then, we get the overwhelming joy of helping others who are ready for a deepening of their life. 

An Affirmation

Today, I am open to getting support and help from others. I am letting go of my know-it-all and do-it-all lifestyle. I am learning to be a connected and open human being.

Reminder: You are part of a growing community here. We are supporting each other to grow! Please reply with your experience and comments. We’ll be doing a monthly round-up of community responses.

Warmly,

Bob

To keep your healing alive, engage with this community, and support my efforts to rally this movement of healing:

1. Get my new book - Stop Doing Sh*t You Don’t Want to Do is out now! Get it here. Write an amazing review here.  The Audiobook is now available on Audible, Spotify, Google Play, and Libro! (it’s free if you subscribe to Premium).

2. Resources. You can go here for recovery and healing resources.

3. Premium. Subscribe to Premium here for videos, worksheets, webinars with Bob, and more.

   

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